everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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