Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
