i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
