i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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