i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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