i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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