Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
