and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize