I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need moral support for this bender
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
