end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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