you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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