So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
