I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
