your parents love me but you hate me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
