I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
