Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
