Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
