tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
