I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
