wrigley field is MILF paradise
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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