They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
