had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
