he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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