She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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