So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
