just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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