bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
