I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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