Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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