dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
