ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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