I smell stomach acid.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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