sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just invented taco cereal.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
