Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
