exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
