What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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