So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
