What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
