watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize