Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
