Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
