My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
