Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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