so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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