By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
