I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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