I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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