I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
