I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
