yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
