just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
