The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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