I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
