i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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