Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize