Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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