i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
