I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
