Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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