***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
