So drunk its hurt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
