You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
