she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
