After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
