you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Drake has all the answers
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
