So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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