becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
