thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
