he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
