Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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