You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
