u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
