I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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